Warning: Childish Post Ahead

I feel like a breast cancer survivor or like I've climbed Mount Everest or some other monumental thing has occurred to me. Because, I and 6 other people in the car with me, have survived the flatulence of Anthony! It was monstrous/horrid/disgusting. On the way back from Ohio, the 8 of us Chicago folk, crowded in the Gliori van, suffered smells like no other. Except for Anthony, who probably wasn't all that affected by his smells. I don't know what happened, or what he ate, or what the problem could have stemmed from! But my goodness gracious, I can't even describe to you the smells we endured. And frequently, too! The "incidents" must have happened at least 20 times on the ride home. Possibly more. Every time, we would shriek in pain and agony and roll down the windows and stick our heads out as far as they could go just to breath in the clean air. ANYTHING! At one point I didn't roll down the window fast enough, and so I screamed and Matt frantically clawed at the window until it came down. It was a matter of life or death, I kid you not. In the words of Megan, "I wish I could say we were kidding about how dramatically we're reacting, but we're NOT!!!" We were simultaneously laughing and crying from the ridiculousness of it all. When we got back to BTP, Matt jumped out of the van and pumped his fists in the air, and screamed, "We made it!" while I hugged him for a long time with joy that we were still alive. In the car ride home, we smelled skunk and started to groan...but then...we sniffed alternately...and sighed. We both said, "This is nothing compared to what we just went through!" It was almost like cotton candy in comparison.
This post is written in all seriousness, and mostly for posterity, because....the Lord works in mysterious ways. In the wake of all of this, I have some hilarious good/painful memories with my dear friends.

Drinking Tea...

Pondering the greater meaning of life....
that is, what food to get when I go grocery shopping tomorrow. Just kidding. I mean, I am going grocery shopping. But I'm not pondering that as in the sense that it is of enormous import in my life. Although, grocery shopping has become suddenly very important to me. First of all, because I'm a wife now I guess. And I have to get food for my man or he will wither away...
Secondly, I've been trying to establish (and stick to, as much as possible) some sort of healthy diet for us. I don't want to be one of those losers that buys everything pre-made, and crappified. Sorry, no offense to people that do that. I just want to sort of get back the diet I had growing up as a kid...and Matt had too. Getting fresh/organic type stuff as much as possible, and cooking as much as I can. As opposed to all the pre-made, 100 million ingredient foods. I mean, we used to make our own bread at home all the time. We never bought store bought bread! Dad even bought a wheat grinder and bags of wheat berries, and we'd grind the wheat to make flour to put in the bread. I secretly (or not so?) want to be all artsy/crafty/homemakery as a wife and mother someday....but, because of being in this stupid dental hygiene program full-time...part of that will have to wait. I really do like dental hygiene. I just cannot wait to be rid of this schoolish slavery...my life revolves around school.
Well! A whole post on something I didn't even know I was wanting to write!
Matt is looking over my shoulder, and it's creepin me out, man. I was gonna write something funny about him, but he's watching, and anyway, it would probably be along the lines of a 4th grade joke.
This weekend is Jayce's wedding, and next week is Thanksgiving break! Hallelujah!

Haha, I posted exactly a month ago! How clever am I to match it up that well. Actually, I didn't even pay attention....

Things I am Enjoying

Since last post was kind of...well....melancholy....

I love fall. I adore it. It's basically one of my favourite seasons. I love every season, for specific purposes, but fall especially makes me happy. Here are some fall things that I am really enjoying right now. And some not so fall things, but just some things I like! =)

I'm definitely making these someday soon....

Credit: http://bluebicicletta.wordpress.com/
Credit: http://bluebicicletta.wordpress.com/



































Matt and I are going to get some pumpkins to carve....can you believe it...he's never done it before!

Sunday morning, and we're not at Meeting.

It just feels so weird to not be there. Especially when it's a tea-meeting day (I'm not going to lie!). But we aren't there because Matt doesn't feel well. And honestly, we are both getting rather worried. His seizures are happening more and more, just about every week, sometimes more than once a week. It's scary. I don't know what triggered this sudden massive amount of seizures. He went for years with having them every 3, 4, 6 months.....and then suddenly within the past year or two they've really picked up. And then within the past 6 months especially. If one wanted to make a joke, one could say it was due to the fact that he was going to ask me to marry him, and then did marry me. But I hardly feel like joking around right now, and that wouldn't make much sense anyway.
This week he has been having weird little "episodes" in his head. I don't know how else to describe it. It's like mini-seizures without a lot of crazy stuff going on. At least, not outwardly. Inwardly, when he's tried to describe it to me, he starts thinking all these weird thoughts and really similar thoughts? That's how he described it. And he feels sort of weird-dizzy/fuzzy and puts his head in his hands for a moment. But he doesn't fall, he doesn't seize, he doesn't lose full consciousness. And they only last for like half a minute. He had 4 of them yesterday, but didn't actually have a "for real" seizure. When I say for real, I guess I just mean his usual grand mal seizures. Part of me is thinking, are these the seizures he's going to have now? Because these are better than his other ones! He doesn't fall, and he can do stuff afterwards. Sort of. He feels weird afterwards. But then part of me is thinking, "Lord, why this many? What's going on? Is he deteriorating? Is there a tumor in his brain? WHAT'S GOING ON?!?" I'm scared, and we've tried everything, and I wish I had answers.
We have an appointment on Thursday for him to see his epileptologist, mostly to ask questions about whether we should go ahead with brain surgery. Not that I even know much about it, or how it will be paid for. But I know it will be taken care of, the Lord always provides for us. I'm just seeking Him about whether we should do this....maybe you can too? We've literally tried everything else, it feels like.
I hate watching Matt go through stuff that I can't do anything about. I can't help him, I can't take it away. It kills me to know that. And I know I can pray, and that's doing something. But oh, how I wish I could physically move and make it go away with some method or other.

Heaven

"Heaven, heaven....waiting there for me..."
I love that song sung by Hayley Westenra. If I had to pick a singing voice, I'd pick that one.

Matt and I were talking about heaven tonight. When I was little, the thought of heaven actually scared me to death. I remember very well mom explaining how we wouldn't be anything like we are now, and would live in heaven for eternity- in other words, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.....I thought she was joking at first. You mean we won't come back here on earth? There won't be "time" there? What does forever and ever feel like? It scared me! This faceless unknown that was so mystical and ethereal. I knew nothing but earth. This is all I've ever known. How could we not live here still?
But now...thinking about it now....heaven will be amazing, and I'm actually quite excited. We will be perfect, sinless creatures. There won't be any pain. He will wipe all tears from our eyes. It will be beautiful and all about Him. It will be forever, with Him, so it doesn't matter if I don't know what it will be like. There's nothing to fear because it will be perfection. The childish fear of the unknown that I used to have has left, and in it's place is nothing but curiosity and....a complete feeling of utter worthlessness and joy to think that God will let me live with Him forever. I don't deserve it at all. How amazing is that? It makes me think, what are we doing for Him here, when we will be there, in that perfection, for always? We're pretty sorry creatures. But oh, He is a gracious God!

Sleep

I love sleep. It is very important to me. In fact, I think it's too important to me. I used to be able to hop right up at the sound of my alarm in the mornings. While I would grumble while doing so, I would still make myself get up. Now, however, I hit the snooze button repeatedly and do not relish waking up one tiny bit. I force myself to get up, take a shower, and join the masses at school. But whenever I get a chance to nap again in the afternoon, it thrills my soul.

...So when someone decides to come into the nursery at BTP, and wake me up from my blessed, wonderful nap for some stupid, vapid, insignificant reason, it makes me want to commit some sort of murderous act. Of course, that is partly my sleepy brain. But really....really?! The nursery at BTP is meant for sleepers and/or women and children, and must be maintained as such. I've been feeling more and more that way, especially since Kim is soon to have a baby and will be nursing in there. And Nancy still has 3 year old Emma. And the girls in our meeting would love to have a place of refuge. So why do the guys tromp through there like there's no tomorrow?

Oy vey.

CHARRRRRRGGGGGGGEEEEE!

"There is a happy dale, far far away."

I'm at BTP

And while I'm definitely supposed to be studying for our injections tomorrow, and second, definitely supposed to be helping Matt this afternoon (as I told him I would...maybe...), I am definitely not doing either of those. At least, not for the minute. OOOOhhhhh sweet, glorious internet with so many wonderful things at the tip of my fingers. Pictures, and articles, and funny words galore! In fact, I can even check the amount of time it takes for a hair to grow in my nostrils if I wanted...I just have to....

oh drat, here comes Matt. Chow!

Florida, and Other Things

Today I went to school, was bored out of my mind, and took a quiz. I got 4 wrong, but such is the life of a girl who doesn't study too terribly much. I still managed a decent score, and was elated with myself, when I realized with horror that on Friday we are numbing. Yes, numbing. We are now ready (apparently) to give local anesthesia to each other as classmates. After only practicing on a piece of clear Neutrogena soap to see the needle deflection. Of course we will have instructors and a dentist watching over us like a hawk. But I'm still a little out-of-my-mind scared about it. And not even so much about someone shooting me up, but about me shooting someone else up! What if I hit the wrong nerve and cause some sort of facial paralysis?

Anyhow, FLORIDA! Matt, Joy, and I are going there in December, around Christmas, and I could not be more excited. It will sort of be a mini-honeymoon for Matt and I, but really just more of a short reprieve from Chicago winters and my schooling. I'm excited to go to conference in West Palm Beach, doubly excited Joy will be there too, but triply insanely excited that Matt and I will have some fun times together! It will be much needed, and lovely, I am sure of it.

Back to my bedtime snack. Eheh.

Babies

I keep thinking about them. Everyone is "popping out" children these days, or pregnant, and I think it just has to do with the fact that I'm older, and all my friends are having kids now. And it's the weirdest thing because Matt and I don't want children for 4 years, roughly. But it is exciting to think about it. I guess because we actually can have children now, it's cool to think about. It's like a special secret between married people. "We can have a kid now!" So, as much as I love babies, and have been wanting one....I don't want one for awhile yet. We have so much to figure out and do first.

Sad Day

For some reason, this day has just been more and more sad as it goes on (except for that fact that I am eating an exceptionally delicious Subway sandwich- and watching my girth expand in the process). I found out that one of the girls at school has absolutely no money. She can't work, has a 3 year old daughter, and hardly has enough money for food. Shortly, she and her family will be evicted if they can't pay the rent. Her husband makes about $200 a week working at a pet store. I feel so bad for her, more than I can say. At the same time I am wondering, "how is she still in this program then?" Logistically speaking, when you have absolutely nothing as she has, wouldn't you give your all of what's left of your nothing to buy food for your daughter? And maybe stop coming to school to make money somehow, in some other way, in order to buy said food? I understand her wanting to come to school. But logistically, how can she? And the program itself, by all rights, would have kicked her out by now. She has missed so many classes and clinic sessions. They told us from the very start "this program will be your life while you're in it. if you can't dedicate your all, you can't be in it." So how is she still in? If colleges everywhere were to try to help people out, there wouldn't be colleges. I realize this sounds very cold and heartless, but I assure you I'm far from feeling that towards her. I want to help as much as I can. I'm just pondering how this is even happening. It doesn't make sense.
Another girl at school just lost her favorite uncle, and she was really upset today. I could tell she was on the verge of tears the entire class, but she just held it back. I wanted to hug her for a long time, and tell her I was praying for her, but she darted out after class.
I had to pick Matt up from work, because he could not work again today. He still feels horrible from his last seizure.
Just....a sad day. So far.... things can change, right?

So I am married.

And going to dental hygiene school. So, in other words, avoiding homework right now by writing this. But I just finished "I Capture the Castle" and it so inspired me to write again. Why I start, then stop, then start, is beyond me. I guess I'm a poor excuse for a writer. I would love to live in London, for I imagine there's lots of good writing "spots" there. But that's probably my restless point of view.

I have been married for 19 days. It's lovely, really. Besides the times when Matt, the husband, is as disgruntled and silent as...well...his puberty years probably. But I didn't know him then. So who am I to say? But generally, we get along quite cozily in our little apartment, when we do get to see each other. The whole I'm in school thing, while Matt works, doesn't bode well for good "bonding time". And we never did get our honeymoon. Oh well, we will someday, and I'm learning to enjoy the time I have with Matt while I have it.

Our wedding day on August 22nd was, literally, everything I could have dreamed for. Except for wishing it could have lasted so much longer into the night! We enjoyed the whole thing tremendously. And then were whisked away to Cloud Nine Bed and Breakfast in Lawrenceville. We were greeted by a creepily kind old lady with piles of white hair. She complimented me on my dress, called me Mrs. Buchanan several times, and had Matt park the car. I didn't have the heart to explain he couldn't, and anyway, it was 20 feet away. After showing us our room, and explaining a gentleman would be sleeping in the room down the hall, but would be in much later, she left us to settle in for the night. For some reason, I felt there were ghosts in there. I kept hearing things. But it was still a very nice night and morning before we left. We only wished the lady would let us eat our "cloud nine egg meringue breakfast" in peace. She asked us questions assiduously, and we answered as best as we could. We were both so full, and the breakfast she gave us was large, so we nicely asked for a container to take home the leftovers. Afterwards, we discreetly disposed of them somewhere along Route 133. The ride home was lovely. Matt and I talked and joked, and just kept smiling, and looking at our ringed hands.

Settling in, starting back to school and work, figuring out the general things in life, weren't quite as easy. But I am SO happily married, at 23 years of age.