Heaven

"Heaven, heaven....waiting there for me..."
I love that song sung by Hayley Westenra. If I had to pick a singing voice, I'd pick that one.

Matt and I were talking about heaven tonight. When I was little, the thought of heaven actually scared me to death. I remember very well mom explaining how we wouldn't be anything like we are now, and would live in heaven for eternity- in other words, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.....I thought she was joking at first. You mean we won't come back here on earth? There won't be "time" there? What does forever and ever feel like? It scared me! This faceless unknown that was so mystical and ethereal. I knew nothing but earth. This is all I've ever known. How could we not live here still?
But now...thinking about it now....heaven will be amazing, and I'm actually quite excited. We will be perfect, sinless creatures. There won't be any pain. He will wipe all tears from our eyes. It will be beautiful and all about Him. It will be forever, with Him, so it doesn't matter if I don't know what it will be like. There's nothing to fear because it will be perfection. The childish fear of the unknown that I used to have has left, and in it's place is nothing but curiosity and....a complete feeling of utter worthlessness and joy to think that God will let me live with Him forever. I don't deserve it at all. How amazing is that? It makes me think, what are we doing for Him here, when we will be there, in that perfection, for always? We're pretty sorry creatures. But oh, He is a gracious God!

Sleep

I love sleep. It is very important to me. In fact, I think it's too important to me. I used to be able to hop right up at the sound of my alarm in the mornings. While I would grumble while doing so, I would still make myself get up. Now, however, I hit the snooze button repeatedly and do not relish waking up one tiny bit. I force myself to get up, take a shower, and join the masses at school. But whenever I get a chance to nap again in the afternoon, it thrills my soul.

...So when someone decides to come into the nursery at BTP, and wake me up from my blessed, wonderful nap for some stupid, vapid, insignificant reason, it makes me want to commit some sort of murderous act. Of course, that is partly my sleepy brain. But really....really?! The nursery at BTP is meant for sleepers and/or women and children, and must be maintained as such. I've been feeling more and more that way, especially since Kim is soon to have a baby and will be nursing in there. And Nancy still has 3 year old Emma. And the girls in our meeting would love to have a place of refuge. So why do the guys tromp through there like there's no tomorrow?

Oy vey.

CHARRRRRRGGGGGGGEEEEE!

"There is a happy dale, far far away."

I'm at BTP

And while I'm definitely supposed to be studying for our injections tomorrow, and second, definitely supposed to be helping Matt this afternoon (as I told him I would...maybe...), I am definitely not doing either of those. At least, not for the minute. OOOOhhhhh sweet, glorious internet with so many wonderful things at the tip of my fingers. Pictures, and articles, and funny words galore! In fact, I can even check the amount of time it takes for a hair to grow in my nostrils if I wanted...I just have to....

oh drat, here comes Matt. Chow!

Florida, and Other Things

Today I went to school, was bored out of my mind, and took a quiz. I got 4 wrong, but such is the life of a girl who doesn't study too terribly much. I still managed a decent score, and was elated with myself, when I realized with horror that on Friday we are numbing. Yes, numbing. We are now ready (apparently) to give local anesthesia to each other as classmates. After only practicing on a piece of clear Neutrogena soap to see the needle deflection. Of course we will have instructors and a dentist watching over us like a hawk. But I'm still a little out-of-my-mind scared about it. And not even so much about someone shooting me up, but about me shooting someone else up! What if I hit the wrong nerve and cause some sort of facial paralysis?

Anyhow, FLORIDA! Matt, Joy, and I are going there in December, around Christmas, and I could not be more excited. It will sort of be a mini-honeymoon for Matt and I, but really just more of a short reprieve from Chicago winters and my schooling. I'm excited to go to conference in West Palm Beach, doubly excited Joy will be there too, but triply insanely excited that Matt and I will have some fun times together! It will be much needed, and lovely, I am sure of it.

Back to my bedtime snack. Eheh.

Babies

I keep thinking about them. Everyone is "popping out" children these days, or pregnant, and I think it just has to do with the fact that I'm older, and all my friends are having kids now. And it's the weirdest thing because Matt and I don't want children for 4 years, roughly. But it is exciting to think about it. I guess because we actually can have children now, it's cool to think about. It's like a special secret between married people. "We can have a kid now!" So, as much as I love babies, and have been wanting one....I don't want one for awhile yet. We have so much to figure out and do first.

Sad Day

For some reason, this day has just been more and more sad as it goes on (except for that fact that I am eating an exceptionally delicious Subway sandwich- and watching my girth expand in the process). I found out that one of the girls at school has absolutely no money. She can't work, has a 3 year old daughter, and hardly has enough money for food. Shortly, she and her family will be evicted if they can't pay the rent. Her husband makes about $200 a week working at a pet store. I feel so bad for her, more than I can say. At the same time I am wondering, "how is she still in this program then?" Logistically speaking, when you have absolutely nothing as she has, wouldn't you give your all of what's left of your nothing to buy food for your daughter? And maybe stop coming to school to make money somehow, in some other way, in order to buy said food? I understand her wanting to come to school. But logistically, how can she? And the program itself, by all rights, would have kicked her out by now. She has missed so many classes and clinic sessions. They told us from the very start "this program will be your life while you're in it. if you can't dedicate your all, you can't be in it." So how is she still in? If colleges everywhere were to try to help people out, there wouldn't be colleges. I realize this sounds very cold and heartless, but I assure you I'm far from feeling that towards her. I want to help as much as I can. I'm just pondering how this is even happening. It doesn't make sense.
Another girl at school just lost her favorite uncle, and she was really upset today. I could tell she was on the verge of tears the entire class, but she just held it back. I wanted to hug her for a long time, and tell her I was praying for her, but she darted out after class.
I had to pick Matt up from work, because he could not work again today. He still feels horrible from his last seizure.
Just....a sad day. So far.... things can change, right?

So I am married.

And going to dental hygiene school. So, in other words, avoiding homework right now by writing this. But I just finished "I Capture the Castle" and it so inspired me to write again. Why I start, then stop, then start, is beyond me. I guess I'm a poor excuse for a writer. I would love to live in London, for I imagine there's lots of good writing "spots" there. But that's probably my restless point of view.

I have been married for 19 days. It's lovely, really. Besides the times when Matt, the husband, is as disgruntled and silent as...well...his puberty years probably. But I didn't know him then. So who am I to say? But generally, we get along quite cozily in our little apartment, when we do get to see each other. The whole I'm in school thing, while Matt works, doesn't bode well for good "bonding time". And we never did get our honeymoon. Oh well, we will someday, and I'm learning to enjoy the time I have with Matt while I have it.

Our wedding day on August 22nd was, literally, everything I could have dreamed for. Except for wishing it could have lasted so much longer into the night! We enjoyed the whole thing tremendously. And then were whisked away to Cloud Nine Bed and Breakfast in Lawrenceville. We were greeted by a creepily kind old lady with piles of white hair. She complimented me on my dress, called me Mrs. Buchanan several times, and had Matt park the car. I didn't have the heart to explain he couldn't, and anyway, it was 20 feet away. After showing us our room, and explaining a gentleman would be sleeping in the room down the hall, but would be in much later, she left us to settle in for the night. For some reason, I felt there were ghosts in there. I kept hearing things. But it was still a very nice night and morning before we left. We only wished the lady would let us eat our "cloud nine egg meringue breakfast" in peace. She asked us questions assiduously, and we answered as best as we could. We were both so full, and the breakfast she gave us was large, so we nicely asked for a container to take home the leftovers. Afterwards, we discreetly disposed of them somewhere along Route 133. The ride home was lovely. Matt and I talked and joked, and just kept smiling, and looking at our ringed hands.

Settling in, starting back to school and work, figuring out the general things in life, weren't quite as easy. But I am SO happily married, at 23 years of age.